Much needed update.

I havent written anything in this blog for a long time. Nothing new or amazing has hit me as hard as my uncle dying about 2 weeks ago.
R.I.P. David Cardinal 2006

I didn't know the man well. I barely even thought about him. I think I loved him, as much as a nephew can love an uncle they hardly ever see or talk to. It may seem harsh, but its how I feel. Its almost like I'm forced to love my family, like its the default setting for all my interactions with them. David's death brought home a few facts that I have been ignorant of my whole life. I commit them to the written word now in the (possibly vain) hope of never forgetting them.

1. Although I feel like I have no choice about loving my family, there is no doubt that I do. They are my family, and regardless of what I do, they will be there for me. They will worry for me when I get hurt, they will mourn for me when I pass away, they will cheer for me when I surpass their expectations. So, even though my default setting for each and everyone of them is "love", that doesn't make it any less strong. I just tend to not see it as important as the feelings that they earn from me. That leads to point...

2. I respected my uncle, and my respect for him increased once he was committed to the earth. He was intelligent, hard working, and sacrificed alot of what he wanted to be so he could spend time with his wife and four daughters. He achieved so much in life that it could take me several lifetimes to even compare with him. And in the end, he made the choice to spend it with the family he loved. He was Canadian, and moved here to marry my aunt. He not only gave up one great life career, but at least two if not three! This respect for my uncle also stemmed from point...

3. I am who I am because of him. Each choice we make in our lives has further reaching consequences than some of us would like to dwell on. My hobbies, my interests, my personality, my friends, everything stems from just a bare few decisions made way back when I was small. Sometimes mine, sometimes not. One major factor was my interest (if not love) of science and technology. David introduced me to computers and taught me that most things could be easily explained or dissected down until it could be completely understood. Sure, when I was little, it only took a little to impress me, but as I got older, he still kept my interest alive. And if there was ever a sort of latent magic left in the world and its technology, he helped me to see it. I still keep a sense of wonder in what I do today, even when chemistry seems to not work as it should, or when my computer breaks down for no apparent reason. David would simply talk about how it all worked, right down to the code accessing and using computer resources as it needed them, but still made sure to mention how amazing it was that it all just seemed to work. "Like magic."

David wasnt the type of man to tell me everything I needed to get going and move on. He provided the examples and information needed to understand how the whole thing worked, but left me to implement that knowledge. He was more like a catalyst in that regard, making the process easier without directly altering the entire process.

If my Masters can be dedicated to anyone, he'll be my first choice.
I don't know whether it will be good enough to warrant my putting his name down, but I'll at least mention him. I think he'd appreciate it, even if such an act was really instigated by the fact that I feel I owe him something for all he's given me.

I can never say good bye to him now, nor see him again. I can visit him though and talk. Maybe he'll hear me. Maybe.

So long, Uncle David. I'll see ya round.