The true meaning of this Blog

The name of this blog comes from a character of mine in my friends In Nomine game. He is a Mercurian of Creation by the name of Hebron. In his past, he had a run in with pride after successfully defeating 3 demons in combat with only marginal loss of forces. He was punished for allowing himself to commit such a sin at the cost of human lives and the life of his best friend. And so, for the past 200 years, he had been roaming the world, trying to find his place in it and to atone for his past crimes.

Here, I shall endeavour to remember those events in my life that have given me new insight or cause me to doubt my very self and abilities.

And Friday of this week, I most definately doubted myself. And with good cause.

I don't like people, thats a given. As far as virtues go, my temperance is low, my valour is barely existant, and my compassion scrapes the bottom of the barrel. But what I, heh, pride myself on is my conviction. My self honour. I hold Honesty and Loyalty very close to my heart; Truth and honour are very important to me. But on Friday I was a little drunk and I'd also misheard and misinterpreted what a friend had said about someone else. And then, later that evening, I held one virtue to be higher than the other.
You can imagine the fallout that promptly followed.

I have tarnished my reputation and although I recieved forgiveness from one and abuse from the other, I'm sure neither will ever see me the same again.

If someone tells me a secret, I keep it. They have told me in strict confidence something personal that they don't want getting out. Why they told me in the first place is beyond me, but they did.
My problem stems from a comment made sort of in passing. It wasn't a secret, nor was it something that other ears should have heard. My mistake.

So, now I pledge to never parrot what another has said around me. Ever. If someone tells me "This is a secret. You are not to speak of this to anyone.", then I shall not. There will be no hints to anyone. I will lie and say I wasn't there or something.
Now, if someone makes a comment and doesn't addend it with "Its a secret" or something to that effect, I won't forcefully bring up the matter with the person in question. If they ask me about it, the most I'm ever going to say is "So and so has a problem with you. You should talk to them about it.", but even then its teetering on the edge of betraying the trust in a side-ways comment at 10pm at night.

I'd like to think that if someone has a problem with me, they come to me with it directly. Not through chinese-whispers, nor through other people. If someone comes up to me as says "Blah thinks you're being a retard and should stop.", I'll politely tell them to fuck off and tell their informant to come to me with problems in the future. I don't like dealing with secondary characters, especially when they have nothing to do with it.

Again, it comes back to my indiscretion. I was used first, but instead of holding to my ideals, I gave in and fucked up big time. I don't think I'll be doing that again. Its not my place to act as a fucking relay station. You want to know something? Ask the source. Just because I witnessed the broadcast doesn't mean I recorded it.
Nor does it mean that what I do remember isn't corrupted beyond the actual truth.

You tell me something, the buck stops there. I will not tell anyone exactly what you said. At best, you'll get a referral. I'm going to remain loyal to my friends and honest with myself. Try someone else.